I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
and she was petting her beer can
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
