What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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