Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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