Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
