i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
