I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
