I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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