saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
