I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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