He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
