I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
