I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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