So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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