They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
