I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
