i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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