You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
