someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
