There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
