Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
