Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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