i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
