He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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