You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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