Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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