True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
