The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The air taste purple.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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