Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
