Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
