I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
