Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
