But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hippo gnu deer
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
