sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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