then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
