Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
