Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
