She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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