I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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