Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
