I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
