You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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