i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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