so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
