Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
