I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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