I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
