I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
