you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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