my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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