i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
