that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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