She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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