i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize