am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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