If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
