my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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