How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
