to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
