I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
