She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In other news, I just burned my penis
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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