evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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