please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
