I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize