The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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