i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
