I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
