did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
