How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
