Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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