And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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