my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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