YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
