Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
