did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
