i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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