Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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