No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
