you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
