i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
