ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
