That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
