There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
