his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
