If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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