Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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