My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
