I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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