Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
