I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
