The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
