Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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