North Korea, Best Korea!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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