If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
