My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
