do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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