Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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