We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
