i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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