Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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