She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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