Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize