party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I've blown a few things in my day
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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