need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
