I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
